The Greatest Person I Have Ever Met.

Sorry, Veronica Danberry*, but the greatest person I have ever met is my cousin, Ami Jagnandan.

Now, this isn't Ami. This is Paris Hilton. But Ami kind of reminds me of Paris Hilton for a few reasons:

1.) Ami is totally glam.

2.) Paris Hilton and Ami both love Mario Party 6.

3.) Ami, as a rule, will never answer the phone if you call her. Not even one time. I've spent more time leaving Ami voice mails than I've spent doing, I don't know, something. Like, maybe a daily activity? But probably something I don't do for a whole lot out of the day, because in all seriousness, I only call Ami, at most, once every 2-3 weeks. However, if you were to catch her on the phone, this is what she'd look like.

Or, you know, she'd look something like that.

Ami lives in the Atlanta area with her husband and three kids. She and I have a relationship which is hard to describe with words. Basically, we are meant to spend the rest of our lives together. I can remember being about 5 and Ami's family coming to visit and she asked me who my favorite cousin was. I confusedly replied that it was she; "confusedly" because the answer seemed so obvious.

Ami laughs at my jokes and I laugh at hers. Because they are funny jokes. Seriously.

Ami is married to this guy, Davin, who is like half Sri Lankan and half Moldovan or something. Either way, he is brown. Maybe you don't know what I mean by this. Let me explain: I am an Anglo Saxon and he sure as hell isn't.

I hate Davin. Not because he's brown. It's simply a coincidence that I hate him and he's brown at the same time. But he's not funny...not even a little. This is an old picture of Davin that I found in a family photo album.

You may ask why he's wearing those clothes. I may ask why Ami ever married him in the first place. Notice the gut. And the vacant look of sheer incomprehension. Davin's been in school since like 1964 or something. Get a job, pal.

Ami's got these kids, Ethan, Aidan, and Sidney. Ethan and Aidan are both really smart. Sidney is, I think, less gifted (the last time I was around, she crapped her pants...like a couple times a day), but she still asks about me, so I'm down with whatever. Ethan and Aidan both have a future in some form of comedy; Ethan can write it and Aidan can act it out or something. Either way, they are both hilarious. At this point, with what I've seen from Sidney, I'd say that she's got a promising future in drinking cheap bourbon and having chia pets. But we're all blessed with different things.

I like going to Ami's house because it's 100% fun time. And Ami's idea of fun is not going and looking at stuff. In fact, Ami doesn't really like "going." We just sit and eat good food and we all make fun of each other. Oh, and we now play Round Robin Ping-Pong. Ami's house is a social lubricant far more powerful than any alcoholic beverage. Where else would my best friend describe my sister LeAndrea as looking like "any lesbo"? Nowhere, friends. Except for maybe heaven, because that's what being at Ami's is like.

Ami also introduced me to David Sedaris, who wrote some of my favorite books, including Me Talk Pretty One Day. I love to sit and listen to her read Sedaris's essays aloud. And the best part is is that she keeps in all the swear words.

Nowadays Ami goes to the gym and does yoga. I'm not really sure what that's all about, but I think "going to the gym" is code for something that most people aren't supposed to know about. Because that's not really Ami's style. But apparently she's lost a lot of weight and is still going strong. Screw Lance Armstrong, somebody make some bracelets for Ami.

I am going to see Ami around Thanksgiving, which will be pretty great. I am way excited. We belong side by side, a privilege which I have been robbed of by Davin. What a worthless crap sack.

All the potshots aside, Ami really is a rad lady. She loves her kids and has a sweet, sensitive heart. And I've never seen her fall down, not once, and I still love her. That's how great she really is. Because, seriously, seeing Ami fall down would be the funniest thing I can think of.

*Veronica Danberry is in no way, whatsoever, a "real" human being.

These are the Things I Think about.

I am in Atlanta visiting my cousins.

It is safe to say that I love my family more than most everything on planet earth.

I miss Matty. I would be hanging with him at Warped Tour right now, but those plans fell through. I have to go to the cardiologist on Monday.

See, I have an abnormal aortic valve. More to come on this subject at a later date. At this time is is sufficient to say that said valve is interrupting my mission paper process. Bummer.

I am too excited for the future--mission, Virginia, Harry Potter.

Life is really wonderful.

Holy Mother!.

Happy Mothers' Day, Ya'll.





I got my mom this Willow Tree figurine for Mothers' Day.



It's called "Tenderness." I think it's pretty cool.

A lot of my family was over here. I like being around them. I get a really good feeling when they're near me. I think that the idea of family is the best there is. There is so much love with us. Our blood is the same. We share the same features. We eat when we're together. We laugh when we're together. We get our feelings hurt but we always apologize. We say that we love each other and we really, really mean it. We cry. We sing. We sometimes swear. But our family is cohesive and unified and it makes sense. I love my family. And I will be with them for eternity.

"Everything I am or hope to be, I owe to my angel mother."

-Abraham Lincoln.

Recapitulation. Finally Finished.

This is how my trip went.

FRIDAY 11/17: We (meaning my brother Reed, his wife Amber, his daughters Carly and Jenna and I) left Reed's house around 4:00. I fell asleep almost immediately and woke up in Oklahoma. I completely slept through Arkansas. We stopped for the night in El Reno, Oklahoma, a little town on the west side of Oklahoma City.

Saturday 11/18: We drove. A lot. I slept. A lot. I called a lot of people just to tell them where I was. We drove through Texas, New Mexico, and Arizona. We did NOT stop at the National Dinosaur Museum in Tucuamcari, New Mexico. We did, however, stop at the McDonald's in Tucuamcari. And believe me, that was a hoot. We had to make two stops because I had to use the bathroom. I found out that I love Oklahoma, hate Texas, love New Mexico, and hate Arizona. We got into Vegas about 10:30 Vegas time. I like driving over Hoover Dam at night. I love being on I-215 and seeing all of the lights of Las Vegas.

Sunday 11/19: We did not go to church, but we decided that after I ironed my Sunday clothes. So I wore my Sunday pants all day anyway. We drove to our old house. The house on Connie Drive that was the first place I've ever lived. It looked different from the last time I saw it. That house is kind of in the ghetto. But just kind of. We ate at a place called Hash House A Go Go. It was a fun experience. Just don't get the scrambled eggs with basil, sun dried tomatoes, and goat cheese. It sucks. We then went to my Aunt Tootsie's to visit and then to my cousin Terri's to dinner. It was a delight.

Monday 11/20 I wrote a paper for government all day. That was stupid. That night we went to Terri's for dinner with a lot of my family. I saw a lot of folks that I haven't seen in a while. I got made fun of, because I am the youngest cousin. But I am capable of dishing it right back out.

Tuesday 11/21 We went to Best Buy so Reed and Amber could buy a camera. The Sufjan Stevens Christmas Album was nowhere to be seen. We then went to get my second cousin Bryant, who is my age, and we went to eat at In-N-Out Burger. I love that place. We got tee shirts then went to the Forum in Caesar's Palace, which is more or less a super fancy mall. Bryant and I went into Louis Vuitton and saw a pair of toddler sneakers that cost $248. I thought that was somewhat overpriced. We then went into Dolce & Gabbana and I tried on a leather jacket that cost $1,095. If I had the money I think I would have bought it. Then we went to Long John Silver's to eat a #5 in remembrance of my dead Grandpa. Apparently that was one of his favorite things. Then we went to the Bellagio to look at the Atrium and the fountains out front. The Bellagio is my favorite casino. Then we went to my Aunt Betty's house for hot chocolate. And the day was over then.

Wednesday 11/22 We went to Tootsie's for lunch, but Reed and Wade (another brother of mine) had to do some stuff for work with their accountant (who happens to be my cousin David) so my sister and sisters-in-law went to the outlet mall. So my brother-in-law J.Paul and I dropped them off and went tot he Venetian because we heard that the mall there was good. Well, friends, it was not. In fact, it was probably the worst mall I've ever been in in my entire life, and I live in Memphis, the Bad Mall Capital of the World. So we went back to Tootsie's for dinner. My cousin Brendan (whom I call Bubby) had gotten in town the night before, so we hung out. We went to Aunt Betty's for soup, and then my cousin David's for desert (it was a progressive sort of thing). At David's there was a ton of family there. I even met some that I've never seen before. That night, Bubby and I picked up a friend of his, got Slurpees and then went up on the side of the mountain behind his house. You can see the whole of everything in Las Vegas up there and it was an AWESOME experience. That night we slept in my Uncle Don and Aunt Kerma's motor coach.

Thursday 11/23: That morning Bubby, Reed, and my brother-in-law J. Paul went to this ratty little hotel on the strip called Tropicana to see the Bodies Exhibition. That was more or less completely rad. We went to my cousin David's for Thanksgiving dinner. We sat around, played with the computer, watched some old episodes of The Office YouTube, and just hung out. It was great fun. That night Bubby, my cousins Eric and Bryant, and I went down town. We watched the fountains at the Bellagio and the Volcano at the Mirage. Then we got a Slurpee and went to Fatburger. It was cool to hang out with cousins who are my age. We didn't get back to Bubby's house until almost 1:30. But we stayed up and talked until 4:00. Looking back, I sort of don't even know what we talked about. But it was fun.

Friday 11/24: I saw Happy Feet with Bubby and his family. Then We went back to his house and chilled for a bit. Then my aunt Kerma took us out to dinner. I met up with Reed and J. Paul and their families (because Bubby, his mom, and Kerma went to see Phantom). We hung out at the MGM and looked at the lion habitat. I eventually met up with Bubby and we went to get his girlfriend. I can appreciate wanting to spend time with your boo when you haven't seen her in a while, so I backed off and was quiet most of the time. We got Slurpees and went up on the mountain again. I sang a song. It was frickin' freezing so we went back to Bubby's and I fell asleep on his couch watching Elf. I woke up around 2:00 delirious and confused. I went upstairs and Bubby was awake and we lingered for a while but eventually fell back asleep.

Saturday 11/25: I left the city of my birth behind once more. It was sad. I hugged Bubby goodbye and said "See you...never?" and it was sad. Hopefully we'll run into each other before we go on our missions. It took forever to cross the Dam on the way out of town. America never looked so sad as when we ventured across her to my real home.

Sunday 11/26: We rolled into town around 9:30. When we got back I realized that there is little here for me. And I longed for something new.

All in all, it was an amazing trip.

I love Las Vegas.
I will spend a lot of time there when I go to BYU.


I love my family.

I look forward to the future.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

I really love Christmas when it DOESN'T interfere with my social life.

Every year I set up the the village and the big Nativity set. And of course the very second I want to go somewhere, mom pulls that out of nowhere and says that I have to do those.

More like Crapmas.
That was probably bad, right?